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Gayle's Joy in Life

Naked, Looking Into The Mirror And Having A Good Laugh
Updated 8/9/2006
Updated 8/9/2006
Updated 8/9/2006
Updated 5/7/2006
Updated 9/9/2006

New Perspective

I flirted with the idea of moving my space about 7 months ago, but let it pass. I think it's time. biglifedance.blogspot.com
I hope you will come and visit, leave comments at the new place and keep connecting.
I have Loved your words and will keep stopping by your spaces to say hello.
Be very, very well.
Gayle

The SAT and Saturday Morning

I dropped the child-wonder off to take the SAT this morning. She was selected to participate in a talent search program because of her academic performance and the SAT is a part of the process. It was an odd experience, standing there, sharing her excitement and her apprehension at taking this college-bound test. I was greatful for the gift of such a bright and Loving child. Watching her realize how young she is, ("Mommy, I think I'm the youngest one here") and then be so composed amidst the river of high school students that surrounded us.
Driving home, I had a wave of sadness. I'm not sure where the feeling came from; maybe just the understanding that she is such a separate entity from me. Connected to me, yes, but taking big steps into her own future. I remember when I stood in that place and I feel just a little frightened that she may step in some of the spots I landed in. I realize I cannot prevent any of that from happening. There is just so much I desire for that jewel, so much she deserves.
Anyway, I snapped myself out of that train of thought and started to get really pumped-up about the possibilities for her. I can't even imagine half of what she may be able to do and be. But, that's one of the joys of parenting. I also thought about all the children who don't have this opportunity, through no fault of their own, and felt priveleged and lucky and thankful. There are so many moments I get to have because of my education and the part of the world in which I live. I can only imagine how different my Life would be if I had been born and lived in Soweto or Kosovo.
Onto another topic: those promotions at work are looking a bit more elusive than they did at the end of last year. When my boss sat me down to break the news that it wasn't going to be a done deal - there would be hoops through which I had to successfully jump, it didn't take me by surprise or throw me off balance and that, my friends, is a real sign of growth. I simply told my boss I was committed to the work and would do my part to make it happen and was relying on hom to do his part. He is, for the most part, a good guy and I think he will do what he can to support my upward movement. So, we'll see if the stars line up and the hard work pays off.
Lately, I've been thinking more and more about the whole concept of retirement. I have 6.5 years to vest with my current employer and 9.5 before I could retire with a modest pension. That's not too shabby considering I haven't saved a penny except for the equity in my home, which technically still belongs to the bank and won't be paid off for another 21 years. That's yet another reason I really want the promotion and it's associated raise. I'd like to pay off the house a lot sooner. In fact, if I could do it in the 9.5 years between now and that carrot of a pension, I feel like my mature years could be a bit of a party. Assuming that Congress is able to stop little Georgie from increasing troops and completely screwing-up foriegn affairs in the last couple of years of his term, of course.
I dream the big dreams of my womanchild living a Life that fulfills her, selling the house for a nice two bedroom condo in the heart of the city, consulting, taking courses, traveling; maybe even a man in there somewhere.
Ah, to have hope, to dream, to Live.
Later Gators...

Got My Mind On My Money...

...and my money on my mind. 
 
10:30 AM - If I had only had that mindset 2 hours ago I wouldn't have left my debit/purchase card in the ATM this morning.  Rushing to get my child to her debate tournament on time, I snatched the $30 out of the machine and sped away.  When I stood in the checkout line at the supermarket, after dropping her off, I was shocked to discover that my card was notin my wallet.  No panic (well maybe a little) because I remember that I stopped at the machine earlier.  I assume it's in my car.  Rush out to the car and, well, you already know, don't you?
 
 'Round Midnight:
Well it turned out to be a pretty good day.  My friend Bryan is starting a personal chef business and has delightfully suggested that I be his guinea pig.  We cooked (well, mostly Bryan cooked, I chopped, shopped and stirred) all afternoon and I now have enough food to feed my family for a week.  Home cooked food!!!
 
Now I know there are some SuperWomen out there saying, "Why is that such a big deal?".  For me it is a really big deal.  Somewhere along the line I put down a few things.  Cooking was one of them - I just stopped doing it, like bicycle riding and shopping for beautiful clothing (for myself).  I don't know why or when but it just seems to have drifted out of my Life.
 
I want to bring it back.  Every now and again when I do cook my child goes wild for it.  It just felt like another chore - I hate chores.  But, this afternoon, it was such a pleasure to smell and taste and even clean-up.  Perhaps it was the comraderie.
 
Tonight I am thankful for good food.  So many simple things that give Life color, it feels good to remember that food can be a balanced Joy. And I am thankful for a good friend who Loves me enough to feed me.  May all of you be so lucky!
 
 

Reflecting on Martin in 2007

I was a little eight year-old Negro girl when Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated. I remember crying in the living room with my parents and my brother. Of course, we’d been through this before with John Kennedy and Malcolm X, two other men who gave us hope, as a people. But, while Malcolm was certainly articulate and sent a message of power and self-reliance, Martin spoke the words that resonated with Christians (which most Africans converted to as a matter of survival generations before); words of peace, Love and reconciliation.

During the 60’s we sang, marched and hoped for equality in the eyes and laws of white Americans. That Negro children might be educated in schools with the same quality of supplies (desks, textbooks, building infrastructure, and access to $ resources) giving them a possibility of Life beyond servitude was the deep desire of Negro parents and grand parents. Martin exemplified and amplified that hope.

With his powerful persona - poised, articulate and often the center of media attention - Martin was able to project the image of the ‘Negro Man’ that we knew lived in our people, out into the world. His presence commanded respect and we shared in that respect, believing it might be possible for us, as well.

Today, 42 years later, I continue to hold fast to the ideas that we can treat one another with Love, respect, Peace and reconciliation. And though many would say we have come far, I hold a different opinion. It is true that we can now work side by side in the bee hives we call offices and that in small segments of most American cities you can even find us living in the same communities. But, for the most part, we are still separate. Separated by class, opportunity, image and earnings, we have learned to pretend that we are equal.

My neighborhood is filled with African Americans who live the American dream; Mercedes Benz in the garage, children in private school and a 4-bedroom house in which to live. That is a good thing. My city as a whole however, is filled with children whose families live well below the poverty level. Their schools, while improving, are staffed and funded at the bare minimum. The services provided by the city are far less than those provided to wealthier communities. Less frequent bus service (though the poor use the service more frequently), more expensive supermarkets with inferior goods and substandard housing at above market pricing are all markers of poverty in America. Today, the average black woman earns 68 cents for every dollar earned by her white male counterpart. Hispanic women earn 57 cents. As a single, African American Mom I am intimately aware of the impact of this reality on my own Life and that of my child.

A Congressional Committee organized to investigate the Life Options of Young African American Males heard the following testimony in 2005:

  • About one-third of male youth of color (primarily African-American and Latino) fall into what the Department of Labor describes as the “disconnected youth” category: young people who are isolated and have limited to no participation in the labor force.
  • Almost two-thirds of the US prison population are persons of color, predominantly African-American and Latino, and predominantly male.
  • Ten percent of black males between the ages of 25 and 29 were in prison in 2001, compared to 2.9% of Latino males and 1.2% of white males in the same age group.
  • The Sentencing Project estimates that in some jurisdictions one in three African-American men between the ages of 20 and 29 are under correctional supervision.
  • In the 100 largest US cities, 58% or more of the ninth-grade students in high-minority schools do not graduate four years later, and African-American drop-outs are eight times more likely to be in state or federal prison than are white drop-outs.
  • Nationwide, African-American students are three times as likely as white students to be labeled mentally retarded and twice as likely to be labeled as having emotional disturbances.

None of these statistics take away personal responsibility for Life choices. But, if you don’t think a stacked deck makes it harder to make good choices then you are either naïve or heartless.

This brings me back to Martin, whose message was one of justice and equity. How far have we come, really? Do we embrace one another or continue to exclude and exploit? In 50 years will we still be waging war with anyone who pisses up off or will we focus on reconciliation, justice and peace? What will it take to shift our focus from consumerism to citizenship?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Until then, be well…

p.s. to read Dr. Martin Luther King’s Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech (which is worth reading again and again) Just click on his name.

Resolved

I guess it's still close enough to New Years for me to say how much I hate New Year's Resolutions.  Alas, I feel I must make a few.  There are things happening with my health that I need to get under control, yet I feel incapable.  I don't like it, but there is a real part of me that feels powerless.

Maybe resolutions are not the thing, but I feel the need to do a few things this year:
 - Meditate, everyday
 - Adjust my thoughts to focus on what I Know to be the truth of Life instead of the fears of Life or the voice of my Mom that lives inside of me.
 - Exercise everyday - 30 min
 - Eat more veggies
 - Learn to Love again

Or, maybe I just need to laugh at bit more - at myself.

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